Well, 40 has come and gone. I am now on to the next phase of blog writing, book finalizing, public speaking, and whatever else I decide I want to do when I grow up. Some changes are on the horizon for me. Do you know it’s not always easy to decide exactly what we are supposed to do in this life? Yes, you know. I can’t possibly be the only woman in the world who wakes up daily wondering if she’s doing what is right in her life. At least I hope I’m not the only one. Even if you are just being polite, please tell me I’m not the only one! I desperately need to hear those words. I think words of affirmation might be my love language. Although, don’t hold me to that… I’m only two chapters through the book which needs to confirm this.
I know God wants me to do exactly what I’m doing. However, insecurity still follows me. For years, whenever God required me to step out in faith and do something not entirely comfortable, insecurity chased me. When this would happen, I did what I felt was right at the time. I ran from it! However, you don’t conquer any situation by running. You have to face it.
When I began to write this blog, I decided to stare down insecurity square in the face. “Enough is enough!” I declared with fearless determination. Still, there are some days I wake up feeling that maybe enough IS enough, but in a different kind of way. I wrestle with feelings that my voice via the internet sounds ridiculous. Not to mention, everyone now knows my nuttiness. Help!
Yet, even in the midst of all these emotions, I can feel God calling me to step out in faith. It isn’t easy. It’s hard. The other day while pondering all of this, I turned on the television and the movie You Got Mail was playing. Right after Kathleen Kelly decided to close her beloved bookstore, her friend Birdie had this to say, “You are daring to imagine that you could have a different life. Oh, I know it doesn’t feel like that. You feel like a big fat failure now. But you’re not. You are marching into the unknown armed with… nothing.”
There are many days when I can’t help but feel like I’m armed with nothing. I know that’s not true, because I’m armed with God. I’m not daring to imagine a different life. I love my life. I’m just adding some new things in my life. God believes I can do more than I believe I can do. So, I’m going to do it. And as soon as I have a little more security on exactly what “IT” is, I’ll let you know. Haha!