She looks through her list of followers trying to see who might have said goodbye. Who was it that regarded her words as unimportant and the pictures of her life not worthy enough to be viewed?
This type of social media says, “You can follow me, you can see me, but I might not care enough to see you. You might not matter enough. Your words, your heart, your soul cry, it isn’t important yet. Maybe when your ratio changes – when you have more followers and are following less, maybe then I will follow you back. Maybe then you’ll matter.”
She counts her likes and looks at her “friends” list needing to see if she was accepted. Does anyone care about her life? She’s been unfriended and blocked before, which to her equals abandoned and abused.
This is the new world we live inside. The one which has wonderful possibilities and genius ideas muddled with hurt, disappointment, and skewed self worth.
A few months ago, I was having a day that left me feeling completely overwhelmed. Earlier in the morning while in the midst of total chaos, I received a text from twitter telling me that someone I highly respected, and had been following for quite some time, had decided to follow me back. I was excited. I hadn’t done anything to gain this person’s attention. I didn’t send any tweets or mention her name on my blog, but I read her work quite often and was excited at the possibility that maybe she had read mine.
I was in the middle of at least ten tasks when the text came through, so I couldn’t send a “thank you for following me” tweet back. When I returned home and finally logged on to twitter, I realized the person was no longer following me. I went to their feed only to find tweets explaining how she had been hacked and was only made aware because her twitter ratio shifted. This person was now following back many people who had been following her. However, it was all a big mistake. As a result, she had been spending the day frantically deleting the people which were accidentally followed.
I understand. When it comes to twitter, it is used for marketing and networking more than anything else. I also have reasons for not following people back. If someone isn’t in my niche, or I don’t know them at all, then I usually don’t follow them back either. I wait and see. I will also admit that sometimes people slip through the cracks. I don’t even realize they’ve followed me. I’m not the girl who counts her likes and watches her followers regularly. From a blogging business perspective, maybe I should. Maybe I would be building a larger platform if I did. But at what expense? Or maybe I should ask, “At whose expense?”
I’m not condemning this person or saying that ultimately her heart isn’t in the right place. Had I been hacked, I would have probably done the same thing. I’m also not saying you should follow back or accept a friend request from someone you don’t know anything about. I realize there is much more to all of this. It’s complicated. However, what I am saying is that we must be careful.
What we say and how we say it, who we follow and unfollow, it all makes a difference in the heart of someone else. Social media can be both a blessing and a curse. There is power in the way it is used. (Oh, and I’ve unfollowed people on twitter too. I’m not innocent, but I’m working to see the person and not just the avatar.)
Today, I need to tell you this:
Your value is NOT determined by the number of friends you have on Facebook.
The number of twitter followers you have, or who personally follows you, does NOT define your worth.
No matter how many people choose to follow you, or not, on Instagram, you ARE beautiful!
Behind the profile pictures, are real people with beating hearts who need and want to feel as if they have worth. They are wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, friends, coworkers, church members, teachers, writers, missionaries, and beautiful souls all trying to do life. They would like to do it feeling as if they are part of community. They would love to feel loved. And they would prefer not be a deleted accident.
So, just in case you ever need reminded, I want you to realize that you are more than your Klout score! You have more influence than you realize! You are daughters of the King! You have worth, because Christ is worthy!
Love,
Jennifer
I’m linking up with Holley Gerth to encourage you through Coffee for Your Heart!
I’m also linking up with Bonnie Gray for White Space Thursday! http://www.faithbarista.com/category/whitespace-linkup/
Yes and amen! Thank you for the gift of your words. I often feel like this. Going to the Word and Christ for our approval is what we need- so glad He doesn’t unfriend us.:)
Katie, We often search for approval and recognition from others when Christ wants us to seek Him first and foremost. He is available to give us everything we need. Thank you so much for reading!
I wonder how much nicer life would be without the numbers. Without knowing how many follow (or don’t). Thanks for the reminder. I couldn’t agree with you more. Stopping by from Words of Life Wednesdays
Thanks for reading, Karmen. Yes, it becomes too much of a numbers game. I agree.
Amen! Thank you for this reminder and truth today. In a time when I’m trying to build my base of readers and for the first time really working on my blog, this came at a perfect time! I write for God and His glory, and the rest He can take care of! THANK YOU AGAIN!
Hi, Jamie. I have recognized that the more I let go of worry about numbers and see each one as a person, the more God blesses my work and gives me opportunities to minister which is my number one priority. May God bless you as you work on building your readership and encourage others in Him!
Great post today! I needed to be reminded of this. As a writer/blogger, it is so easy to get caught up in how many people follow you and like your posts. I try SO hard to remember that what matters is the ONE person my words speak to. Stopping by from Holley’s blog today!
Thank you, Jennifer. Hey, by the way, I love your name! 🙂 And, you are so right, it’s all about the One person and encouraging the beautiful heart God gave them.
Ouch. I have been so guilty of following many people and when my feed gets unrecognizable and no one is actually talking with me I have been guilty of unfollowing them, so that I can find those posts I found relevant. At least until I figured out that lists work much better but that has only been recently. So whether I meant to or not I have unwittingly hurt others.
Hi, Deanna. This whole social media thing is a slippery slope. Sometimes, it’s perfectly acceptable to unfollow someone. My whole point is that we just need to be careful and pray for wisdom. We can get consumed in the business side of writing and forget about the faces behind the profiles. Have a great day and thanks for reading, friend!
Such a struggle for us these day. I try to pray that the right people read my blog, but ego gets in the way. Thank you for your honesty and heart!
It is a struggle, Sarah. I always pray that the Lord would help me remember why I started blogging in the first place: to love and encourage others who need someone they can relate to. Thank you for reading!
I’m stopping by from Holley Gerth’s for a cup of coffee –and a dose of reality ;). Twitter thing is just weird–it reminds me of my freshman year in high school (when the six other girls in my class HATED me). I do find it fun to join in the Five-minute Friday twitter party, though, but other than that…it’s just strange. Thank you for reminding us that it doesn’t matter, either! Our self-worth comes from God and no one else.
Hi, Anita. Yes, twitter takes time to get used to. I have small children and my husband works long hours, so it isn’t always easy for me to join in the FMF parties. I used to make time and felt I had a better connection with some of the bloggers who take part, but I knew I needed to give that time to my husband instead. It all takes balance. Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment!
LOVE this! I really don’t have a clue who has unfollowed me. I never look. But I also am in a season where I am needing to scale way back. I may follow someone on BlogLovin only, or Facebook only or everywhere. I want to make sure I have the time to pour into those who God brings me to minister to. On a side note, I’ve missed connecting here. In my season of still I have not allowed myself the time to read many blogs. I have always enjoyed your writing and your heart. Hugs!
Hi, Barbie! It’s so nice to hear from you! I agree that it takes time to read other blogs. I, too, have also scaled back. I was having a hard time managing everything. I LOVE your heart and hope someday we can meet in real life! Thank you for your sweet words!
Amen! I’m guilty of being offended when someone unfriends me. It’s silly especially when that person and I became Facebook friends only because we both played the same FB game, which I’ve since quit. How can I be hurt when they unfriend me, and why does it really matter? It takes me a minute to remember that my number of followers and FB friends doesn’t define me.
Great reminder! So hard not to look at the numbers and instead just trust that God is placing the people in our reach who He wants us to reach. I try to remind myself that it’s all worth it even if I only reach the one person who needed to hear what I had to say today.
Thank you, Jennifer, for this important reminder. It’s hard not to take “unfollows” personally, like a rejection saying we’re not worth it. It can hurt bad and take a while to recover our intended focus. I try not to focus on followers, likes, or number of comments but on what God wants me to write and the purpose of my blog in the first place – hope, healing, and freedom for hurting souls. To follow Jesus and give, not expecting to receive back. To pray for those who have read my post and believe He will take care of each hurting soul as I release them into His powerful grace and love. It’s so hard to keep that focus though as I still struggle too much with approval addiction.
So very true! A good reminder of where our worthiness comes from.
Great post, Jennifer! It can be such a battle, even when you know better… and then add tech confusion on top of it all! When I first joined, I was super selective, because the word “follow” or “like” seemed loaded to me: Do I really want to make a public statement that I follow this person or like that person? How well do I really know them? LOL! Then I caught on and started liking and following more freely, but I was really hurt when people I know in real life — actual friends — didn’t follow me back (let alone friends of friends)! And then I read articles by experts who said you should streamline and focus on quality, not quantity — so I unfollowed hundreds of people. Only to follow them back when I read another article that said you should try to network and actively build relationships with people in your industry. These poor people must think I’m crazy… I was just trying to get my act together and figure this whole thing out and not let it make a mess of me.
* I confess I do use an app now that I can log into that tells me when people unfollow me — and who — if I choose to look. I use it to cut loose the people who follow me just to get me to follow them — and then immediately unfollow me. It keeps me from wasting time wondering or worrying what’s happening when those numbers keep changing.